Weekly Weigh In:270.8

You have to be kidding me. I've worked out six times this week. SIX! And I weigh exactly what I weighed last week. True, I could have made better eating choices. I totally splurged this weekend on my calories. But for five days I ate within my caloric confines (or landed somewhere close), and two days I ate over my calories but did not binge. Yet, I'm still at 270.8.

Maybe my body is building up heavier muscle. Maybe weekend eating ruined my week's progress. Maybe it's the fact that I'm on my period. I don't know why I'm at the same weight, and I'm frustrated without answers.

My last weight loss journey was mostly for vanity and to avoid future health problems. This weight loss journey is different than my last one. I'm only 26, but already my body is loudly complaining. My knees hurt, I'm winded when I walk up stairs, and I simply can't have the life I want to have. I'm afraid to get on a bike - that I'll be exhausted after a few minutes. I don't dance anymore. I don't like my body at all.

I need to lose more than 100 pounds. What an overwhelming thing to say, especially when I've loosely tried for months, and thoughtfully tried a week, to lose weight...and I've only been able to maintain or gain weight. It's so frustrating!

I know I'm doing something wrong, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. I'm not confident I can complete this journey, but I know that I need to. I'm scared, frustrated, overwhelmed, and annoyed. I wish I was confident, excited, energetic, and knowledgeable.

This week I want to lose ONE pound. Just one pound. I want to step on the scale next Monday and see some difference. I'm trying to make different choices in my life - why doesn't that reflect on the scale?

Weigh in

Current weight: 270.8

I guess I can't call these weekly weigh ins right now...since I haven't done one in over a month. As you see, my weight's about the same.

I feel like I'm holding my breathe. I passively sit here, letting life happen, letting myself get fatter and feel awful about that fact. Yesterday, my knees hurt, my foot hurt, and I just felt immobile because of my fatness, which is so embarrassing and frustrating. I made cookies and ate too much, sitting on the couch frustrated at my own limitations.

But I also planned for the week. For me, making healthy choices depends on how well I plan. I cooked food for the week - including dinner, which is my biggest pitfall. This morning, I went to the gym and ate a nutritious breakfast.

My June goals:
* Lose between 1-2 pounds a week
* Work out 5 times a week
* Track 20 days in a row