Weekly Weigh-In: 223.0

Weight: 223.0
Loss from last week: -1.8
Total weight loss: 2.4


Wow.  1.8 pounds down in a week!  I'm so excited to be able to say that.  I also love the weekly reflection that allows me to simultaneously start new and consider my past successes/mistakes.  


Yesterday I was without a car and biked 5 miles to get to the places I wanted to go.  After getting off the bike, my legs still wobbling a little and sweat dripped down my face and back and I felt beautiful.  I was so grateful for my body's ability to transport me from home to my destination and back again, for the muscles ready for the next step.  I kept my body hydrated in the warm summer weather, and it rewarded me with energy and brilliance.  


I want my body to be in tune with the brilliance I felt yesterday - a beautiful creation that needs sustenance to thrive spiritually, mentally, and physically.  I want to be healthy and incorporate good eating practices and exercise so that I can always feel like I'm shining.


I don't need to be thin to feel those things, but I do want to be thinner so that brilliance comes easier.  Weighing less is a by-product of that brilliance, and it also happens to come with cuter clothes.  

Local produce

Yesterday we had cheese and homemade hummus sandwiches for lunch because I won't eat the rice I made four days ago - it's too dry.  I'm a bit of a food snob/environmental hippie, and won't eat produce out of season and am eagerly awaiting summer's produce.  I'm excited that tomatoes will soon be bountiful, and I can have yummy tomato, bean, and corn salads again.  Those are the best.

In the meantime I'm trying to muddle my way through the end of the season.  I'm glad that fewer and fewer greens are coming in our weekly Farm Fresh to You vegetable box.  I like the idea of eating local produce, but I still don't know what to do with this week's cabbage and radishes...

Workout: Get Moving

I have signed up for Erin's challenge: Get Moving.  As Erin says:

I'm launching a 30 day challenge, to begin on Tuesday, May 1. During those 30 days, I am going to exercise every single day. The only rule is that I have to exercise for at least 10 minutes each day. I can certainly do more than 10 minutes, but not less. And here's the real kicker: if I miss a day, I have to start the whole challenge over again. So if I'm on day 8 and decide to be lazy and not exercise, the next day becomes day 1. That's all there is to it!

Tuesday happens to co-inside with the first day I'm allowed to be more active.  I'm normally pretty active most days, but when I'm lazy I'm SUPER lazy.  It sounds like a fun way avoid the Super Lazy impulse. Want to join us?

Workout: Gardening

Rare April showers have been hitting Sacramento, and now our front yard is a mess with weeds growing everywhere.  Sacramento is known for some killer heat, and it's supposed to hit 84 degrees today.  It's thankfully a dry heat in Sacramento, but I quickly have sweat rolling down my face if I'm out there too long.

Thankfully it wasn't too hot this morning as I my dirt-covered body twisted the tall weed's root systems out of the wood chips and dirt.  Listening to podcasts keep me entertained during the cathartic process of pulling weeds, but after about an hour my body was exhausted from the twists and turns.  Already I feel my side muscles, and tomorrow I'm sure that my legs will be complaining.

It's good to be active again, after a week of taking it easy.  But now I'm starved!  I'm having some homemade iced tea now (thank you old spaghetti sauce!) and lunch must come soon!

Self medicate

I don't know why Sears got to me today, but after holding for 45 minutes I was DONE and I was grumpy. I went to the back of our office and ate one of the bagels I had heroically been avoiding all day. Before I ate another one, I stepped outside and took a break.

My co-worker also works for Pepsi and gave me a can of Pepsi Next earlier in the day. I took the soda treat and sat in the grass. I don't drink much soda normally, so it was a nice treat along with the beautiful day and accordion player practicing his great music in the park.

I am glad I identified my self medicating with food and left the scene of the crime. I hope this bad mood won't translate into complete food abandonment at dinner later tonight, though. I guess since the goal of this blog is to hope less and do more, I'll say that I'll be physically and emotionally happier not being stuffed with food. And it's so amazing a miracle that food can sustain us and give us the energy to live.

That's beautiful

I love to listen to This American Life.  I just listened to episode 220, and feel totally inspired by a man who felt detached from the world, stripped of emotions, but able to see the world as beautiful.  The usefulness of our bodies - beautiful.  The weed - beautiful.  Everything is beautiful.

Sometimes it amazes me what our bodies can do.  They stretch, they walk, they fall.  They're put together so intricately.  It's beautiful.

Injury

Today I got to feel like a rich American - I chose drugs over the less-expensive foot brace because I don't want my year-long foot injury to slow me down. I declined the MRI, though.

Over a year ago, I injured my foot on the elliptical.  It's mostly healed, but the pain has never completely subsided.  Today my option was foot brace or drugs.  I chose drugs, and my foot is still numb.

I have to stay off my foot for 7-10 days.  No playing on my new elliptical, no walking, and no crazy new thing like rock climbing.  Kate will actually make sure I follow this strict routine - I'm not sure if that's "fortunately" or "unfortunately".  I'm sure tired of the injury, but I'm already anxious to get up and MOVE. 

Hopefully at the end of the week, I'll be pain-free for the first time in more than a year!  I can't wait to hike without limping for days afterwards.  Until then, though, I'll have to be extra careful about what I eat.  

Weekly Weigh: 224.8

Weight: 224.8
Loss from last week: -0.4
Total weight loss: 0.6

I showed up.  I'm in the game.  Sure, a half pound loss isn't exactly spectacular, but it's a loss and I'm thankful for that.  I think I'll be more excited when I am out of the 220s and can begin to believe that I'm living on the path that I love, rather than fluctuating between 224.6 to 225.4.  I'm tired of that place I've been for the last four or five months and I'm ready to feel healthy again.

Skipped my morning work out today.  After such a busy weekend, I wanted some sort of luxury, and sleeping in with my wife felt luxurious.

I've been having trouble coming up with vegetarian calorie-friendly meals that leave me full.  But I have lunch and dinner made for today, and I'm excited to start moving full-speed ahead this week.  Today is rice with peanut satay sauce with roasted onions and sweat potatoes, and a banana for a snack.  Tonight is a fresh and local salad with asparagus, avocado, tomato, and cucumber.  I'll probably add in some other snack after class because - to be honest - I doubt that'll keep me full for long.  Too bad I didn't marinade some tofu!

Traveling

I'm a Nor Cal girl. I'm used to local food, public transit, and beautiful Spring colors. On Thursday night I left my state of abundance to go to my cousin's Bat Mitzvah in Boston's suburbs. We stayed in a hotel with huge rooms, abundant parking, trees everywhere you look, lots of history, Styrofoam plates, and a buffet breakfast. It's a nice change of pace, though I'm glad I bought my own coffee cup so I can save a little bit of Styrofoam from the trash.

Maybe it's the nature of traveling, but I was awed by the plate sizes during this trip. Our meals offered two to four times my normal meal size of rich, delicious food.

I tried to portion my food correctly and only eat when I was hungry. I even left food on my plate most meals! As a devoted follower of the clean plate club, this was a very big deal for me.  I'm not sure if I ate within my calorie range, but I was impressed with how thoughtful I was during this trip around food.  We'll see what the scale says on Monday.

I exercised when I could - once in the hotel's gym and once by taking a walk through Massachusetts' beautiful trees. I was exhausted most of this weekend because we flew in on a red eye, and I did not want to move Saturday during our down time. But my family got up and went on a walk through a beautiful state park. It was so nice to be with my family, and even better to be with them while on a nature walk. Moving my body always wakes me up, and the walk was the perfect pick me up.

My family's small and spread out, and we rarely get to see one another. It was such a treat to be with everyone, even if we only could fly in for the Bat Mitzvah.

And, in case you were wondering, the Bat Mitzvah was beautiful. I cried at multiple times during the service. It's such a beautiful event when a child can take on the spiritual responsibilities and ritual pose needed to lead a service for the first time. She beautifully sang the hymns her parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and ancestors before have sung for centuries in a language she's not familiar. What an accomplishment! And what a proud moment for her family!

I feel blessed to be able to be apart of this weekend and wish I could stay longer, but am also so excited to be back home.

Two years

Two years ago today, Kate got drunk enough to not think for a moment so she could realize that she did - in fact - like me.  Ever since, I've been an extremely lucky woman to have her by my side.

Tonight we celebrated with some delicious food.  Spinoccoli pizza from Zelda's followed by a shared Oreo ice cream sundae from Gunther's Ice Cream, two Sacramento institutions.

And despite this amazing food wonderfulness, I still stayed under my calorie allowance for the day.  It feels to be able to eat what I want in a quantity that doesn't make me feel stuffed afterwards.

After dinner snack

Small honey latte instead of a fro yo sundae. Tastes like dessert with half the calories. Thanks Broad Acre Cafe!

Starting, for reals this time

Starting is the hardest part. I say I'll start, and then fail before the day is out. Once I've established a routine, it's easy for me. Which is probably why I've gained all this weight back. There is no routine in love. There's flexibility, compromise, and date nights. And there's happiness. This is the happiest I have ever been in my life, and why change what makes you happy?

But I am fat. And getting fatter.* Getting so fat, that I suddenly feel compromised. My sense of adventure is muted because I don't know if my body can endure the excitement my mind has plotted. My foot is a constant ache, and I'm sure not healing because of my weight. I feel stunted in a way I never have before, despite the fact that I've been fat my whole life, that I am not currently at my heaviest weight ever.

I am tired of this and need to start, to really start. I need to remember how to say no to food, and how much happier that restraint makes me. (Yes, that was an Omer reference.)

Simple math that I control. Calories in, calories burned. Let's go!

*I use fat not as a pejorative, but as a fact - I am overweight.  Right now it I feel out of control.  Being fat does not make you out of control, but being out of control has made me fat.

A New Narrative

I once read that people who used the word "should" constantly are more depressed than people who use it less frequently.  Should implied obligation and desired outcomes that weren't being met.

Well, I'm tired of should.  I'm tired of feeling weak, of feeling fat, of feeling like I can do more.  Because - frankly - I can do more, and I don't.  This is the problem with satisfaction and being happily married.  I get stuck in my satisfaction and forget about excellence.

There's a spark inside me that's fizzled since become married.  My raunchy independence and beating to my own drum has been partly replaced by being content with my wife at home.  I've stop doing things by myself or for myself, not because Kate wants me to, but because I prefer her company to anyone else's.  But my mind requires alone time, and I miss working out and I miss doing things for myself.

So, I'm bringing the spark back and moving it forward to a new narrative, a life that begins with "can" and ends with "fucking awesome".