I once read that people who used the word "should" constantly are more depressed than people who use it less frequently. Should implied obligation and desired outcomes that weren't being met.
Well, I'm tired of should. I'm tired of feeling weak, of feeling fat, of feeling like I can do more. Because - frankly - I can do more, and I don't. This is the problem with satisfaction and being happily married. I get stuck in my satisfaction and forget about excellence.
There's a spark inside me that's fizzled since become married. My raunchy independence and beating to my own drum has been partly replaced by being content with my wife at home. I've stop doing things by myself or for myself, not because Kate wants me to, but because I prefer her company to anyone else's. But my mind requires alone time, and I miss working out and I miss doing things for myself.
So, I'm bringing the spark back and moving it forward to a new narrative, a life that begins with "can" and ends with "fucking awesome".