Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Starting, for reals this time

Starting is the hardest part. I say I'll start, and then fail before the day is out. Once I've established a routine, it's easy for me. Which is probably why I've gained all this weight back. There is no routine in love. There's flexibility, compromise, and date nights. And there's happiness. This is the happiest I have ever been in my life, and why change what makes you happy?

But I am fat. And getting fatter.* Getting so fat, that I suddenly feel compromised. My sense of adventure is muted because I don't know if my body can endure the excitement my mind has plotted. My foot is a constant ache, and I'm sure not healing because of my weight. I feel stunted in a way I never have before, despite the fact that I've been fat my whole life, that I am not currently at my heaviest weight ever.

I am tired of this and need to start, to really start. I need to remember how to say no to food, and how much happier that restraint makes me. (Yes, that was an Omer reference.)

Simple math that I control. Calories in, calories burned. Let's go!

*I use fat not as a pejorative, but as a fact - I am overweight.  Right now it I feel out of control.  Being fat does not make you out of control, but being out of control has made me fat.

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